


☆✩Supernovas at 3AM✩☆

by danceinstylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, also louis looks like a punk rock peter pan, and some deep philosophical stuff, i'm really bad at tagging things if you haven't realized, life messages and all that jazz, lots of star metaphors and banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 13:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceinstylinson/pseuds/danceinstylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry feels like a dead planet covered in ice and floating through space. Louis is a big giant star that shines too brightly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	☆✩Supernovas at 3AM✩☆

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so this is actually a story I wrote for my short story class at school. The names were different but I had Louis and Harry on my mind the whole time while writing it. Actually Louis's name was the only one I changed and his name was 'Lucas' in the story, which was actually pretty symbolic since the name means 'bringer of light' and in this story he is clearly the light. Anywho's a lot of people on tumblr were asking me about the story, so here it is! It's pretty short..because it was for my /short story/ class and I was thinking of expanding it into a much lengthier oneshot but for now I just want to share the original version. There are a lot of symbols, metaphors, themes, and messages in this story. I put quite a lot of thought into it, and it's not my usual 'fanfic-y' writing, but I'm very much in love with this story. I hope you all enjoy as well. Let me know what you think. Xx

 A star can supernova in one of two ways: it accumulates matter from a neighboring star until a runaway nuclear reaction ignites or the star runs out of nuclear fuel and collapses under its own gravity. 

Harry puzzled over this information, repeating it over and over in his head. _So you either have too much inside you that you just explode_ , he thought, _or you’re all used up that you can’t keep going._

Harry felt a lot like the second one.  

He was holed up in his apartment again lying flat on his back with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Some haunting tune played on his turntable, something that sounded like a distant memory. He blew out a final puff of smoke before putting out his cigarette and turning over onto his stomach. A growl rattled beneath his ribcages, the noise sounding like a pingpong ball stuck inside an empty tin box. He’d been hungry for a long time now, starving for something, anything, to take away the emptiness he felt inside. It had been too long since he’d sunk his teeth into anything, too long since he’d felt warm. It had been numbness and ice for a long time now and he felt the cold all the way down to his toes, it bit at his skin, chewing him all up and leaving him raw. He felt like a planet without a sun, covered in ice and wandering through space without a purpose or direction. He wasn’t even in orbit anymore, not even spinning, just floating. His Sun had died out a long time ago, its energy all used up; it exploded leaving nothing behind but stardust. There was nothing like losing your Sun. You couldn’t replace it, no matter how many stars you encountered as you drifted through the universe, none of them would ever shine as bright. Or so it seemed.  

Harry watched as the curtains lifted with a chilling breeze. It was stupid of him to keep the windows open in the middle of winter, but he had grown accustomed to the cold; he didn’t know how to feel warm anymore. The breeze passed through the room like a ghost, filling up the places that had once been warm: the left side of Harry’s bed, the last two drawers in his dresser, the other half of the closet. 

The wind outside howled, bouncing off the walls of Harry’s room like a desperate plea. He shut his eyes and tried not to think about his own words from not too long ago, echoing through the room. _“You can’t leave. You can’t just come into my life and change it like this and then leave.”_ It was all he had said, a desperate cry and then silence. He could have said more, he could have fought harder, but he didn’t. And now he was alone in an apartment that was never meant for just one person. 

The music stopped playing and suddenly it was all too quiet. Harry bolted up and in three quick strides he was at the turntable, fumbling with a new record. He needed noise, he needed to fill the emptiness. A few moments later the new record was spinning ‘round and ‘round as a new song began. Harry stared at the record, watching it spin until he was spinning too, going dizzy in the head, the whole world tipping on its axis, reminding him that the world was still spinning even if it felt like it had ended a long time ago. 

The room was a blur of shadows as Harry tumbled down onto the floor, breathing heavily. He placed a hand on his chest and felt the fast beating of his heart. _Still alive, still spinning_. 

When his heart finally slowed to normal, Harry turned his head to the side, glancing under the bed. His eyes fell on a piece of paper poking through. It was a neon green flyer that looked all too familiar. Harry reached for it, hesitantly, afraid it might bite. He pulled it out and read the blocky letters at the top: Neverland Midnight Show. Underneath it said the date of the concert and the price for tickets. 

Neverland was a club downtown that Harry often went to see bands play. This flyer was over a year old and it was from the night he had met his ex. It had been one of Neverland’s famous Midnight Shows where bands would play from midnight into the early hours of the morning. Back then the Midnight Shows had been a rare occasion type thing and Harry would go to every single one, but now they were practically every weekend and somehow they had lost their magic. On that one night, however, over a year ago, the universe had been busy, at least Harry thought so, because how else do two people just meet at a concert and instantly click? Harry often thought about all the work that went into two people meeting. Those two people had to be at the same place at the same time, watching that same concert. And before they could even watch that concert they first had to both fall in love with that band so that they would end up there. And then they had to choose to be standing in the same general area, which would eventually lead to them crashing into each other when the crowd got too rowdy. It was crazy to think about. Harry often wondered what if one thing had been different? Would they have ever met at all? 

He stared at the neon green flyer, wondering if there was any magic still left in Neverland. It was a Friday night, a Midnight Show was most likely happening. Perhaps if he went back he might find something there. 

Without a second thought, Harry grabbed his coat, slipped into his sneakers, and bolted out the door. It was freezing outside, even colder than his big empty apartment, but he walked on despite his hands and toes going achingly numb. The bus stop was just in sight when the next bus appeared. He made it just in time, hopping on and finding himself a nice seat towards the back. 

A calm settled over Harry as the bus pulled off the curb. Riding buses at night was almost a kind of therapy. It made him feel less alone, being surrounded by other people, and it made him feel like he wasn’t just floating around; it gave him a destination. 

 

☆

Neverland was packed, as usual on nights like these. Seeing all the people stuffed inside nearly made Harry turn around and go back. This was the first time in a long time that he was out on his own free will and not because he was obligated to be there. The concert was already underway; it was some obscure local punk band, the kind of stuff Harry would normally be into. He hung back near the bar, not feeling too eager to join the mosh pit in the center of the room. Instead he settled on watching. They all looked like meteors on the dance floor, crashing into each other without a care in the world. He remembered being like them once. They all seemed so fake now, with their multi-colored hair and swirling ink. He looked down at his own tattoos, each one a different ghost etched into his skin forever.

Harry turned his attention back to the band, they were okay, but at the same time Harry had heard them a million times before. The music didn’t sound as good as it used to. Harry was ready to leave, the place no longer held any magic, it no longer harbored any stars, only meteors, dim rocks and nothing more. He pushed through the crowd towards the nearest exit, hands brushing against him and elbows knocking against his own. 

“Hey!” some shouted as he passed the last few bar stools. 

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled, shoving past a group of guys. 

“Wait! Hey!” the same voice was calling out and Harry was surprised someone could be so loud, rising over the music and the sounds of the club. 

Harry turned reluctantly towards the voice to find a guy tripping over his feet and chasing after him. “Hey,” he repeated once again. 

“Hi,” Harry said, raising his brows expectantly.

“Right, sorry, okay,” the guy said in a quick breath. “I’m Louis, hi, nice to meet you,” he said, grabbing Harry’s hand and forcing it into his own. He shook their hands heartily before letting them drop. “So um, I was wondering if you wanted to join me and my friends for a drink?” 

“Um…”

“Great!” Louis beamed, pulling Harry along before he had much of a choice. 

Back at the bar there was a bit more light and Harry was able to get a better look at this Louis character. Louis darted along the bar, grabbing drinks and making quick introductions. ( _“That’s Niall and Liam and Josh and Ben. And Zayn's somewhere around here. He’s got a girlfriend so he thinks he’s cool but he’s not.”_ ) Louis looked like a punk Peter Pan, covered in tattoos and piercings, yet he still managed to look like a child with his daredevil grin and that mischievous glint in his eyes. He was shorter than the other guys too and he jumped around the bar with twice their energy, talking loudly and crowing with laughter at every joke. Harry tried to keep up with him and failed miserably. 

“We’re playing a drinking game and you have to play,” Louis informed Harry some time later. 

“Okay, what’s the game?” Harry asked warily. 

“This band that’s up right now, they’re shit. So every time they sound shitty you have to drink.” 

Harry snorted. “That’s a really stupid game.”

“ _No_ ,” Louis said, handing Harry a shot, “It’s a really _fun_ game. Now bottoms up!” 

“It’s a really shitty game,” Niall whispered, nudging Harry. Or maybe it was Josh. Harry had no clue. 

 

☆

The game did not last long, not that Louis even noticed because he was onto something new not five minutes later. 

“I’m going out for a smoke,” he announced. “I’ll be back when this shitty band stops playing. Harry, you wanna come?” 

“Yeah, sure.” God knows Harry needed a cigarette right about now. 

Outside it was chilly just like before, but somehow it seemed less cold. Louis flopped down onto the pavement, leaning back against the brick wall as he lit his cigarette. “Well? Sit,” Louis said, staring up at Harry and patting the pavement beside him. 

Harry sat down and pulled out a cigarette. “Need a light,” he said, nodding towards Louis’s lighter. Louis grinned and flicked the lighter, a bright orange flame blooming from the tip. The orange of the flame lit Louis up and Harry suddenly noticed just how brightly he shined. Louis was orange while Harry was blue. Louis was warm while Harry was cold. He seemed to have so much energy inside him; Harry could not understand how someone could contain so much energy. Perhaps Louis had so much energy because he never let anyone use him up the way Harry had.  

“So what’s with you?” Louis asked after a moment. 

“What’d you mean?” 

“I mean, what’s your story? What brought you here to us tonight?” 

“Um…Bad break up, I guess,” Harry said. “I haven’t been out much. I used to come here all the time with my ex. This is actually where we met so.”

“So you were feeling nostalgic?” Louis said, blowing out a cloud of smoke. “Chasing the past? You’re not supposed to do that!” he said hitting Harry on the shoulder. “Everyone knows that’s bad business.” 

Harry couldn’t help but grin just a little bit. “I guess I was just tired of being alone,” Harry explained.

Louis flicked his cigarette. “Oh but there’s nothing wrong with being alone sometimes. I mean, sometimes being alone is just…nice. There’s this whole stigma around it, like it’s somehow bad to be on your own, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Do whatever you want. Go out to dinner by yourself or see a movie. No one’s going to judge you, everyone’s too obsessed with themselves to notice.”

“Hmm, yeah.” Harry took another drag and stared up at the sky. It was a clear night and constellations were scattered everywhere. “That one’s my favorite,” Harry said, pointing out four stars with a belt of three across the middle. 

“Which one’s that?” Louis asked. 

“Orion. The hunter,” Harry said. “When I was little it used to be right outside my window every night and I used to think it was the coolest thing. I still quite like the stars. And see that bright one down there?”

Louis hummed. 

“That’s Sirius. Brightest star in the night sky. When I was a kid my mom used to say that that star was my grandfather. It made me think we all become stars when we die. I kind of hope we do.”

“That would be cool,” Louis said, watching the bright star. “But don’t stars die too? Supernova or something?”

“Yeah, when they use up all their fuel. They just sort of collapse,” Harry explained. 

They were silent for a while after that. Both inhaling and exhaling smoke. 

“It’s actually two stars,” Harry said a while later. “There’s Sirius A and Sirius B, and A is this big bright star while B is a little white dwarf star. B is essentially a dead star. And it just orbits around the big one. Sometimes I feel like I’m the white dwarf. Like I need to orbit around a great big star. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be my own star.” 

Louis contemplated that for a moment. “Well what if a great big star transferred some of it’s energy to you? Would that work? Does science work like that?” 

Harry shrugged and flicked his cigarette to the ground. “I don’t know. I know that some stars can accumulate matter from neighboring stars though. But then they supernova.” 

“I thought you supernova from burning out? Using up all your fuel and stuff.” 

“There’s two ways to supernova.”

“Oh. Well supernovas sound cool.” Louis put out his own cigarette and began playing with his lighter.  

“Kinda tragic though,” Harry said, watching as the orange flame flickered in front of Louis’s face. 

“I think they’re kind of beautiful. I mean it’s the death of a star, so yeah, it’s tragic, but it’s also beautiful. It doesn’t just fade away, it goes out with a bang. And then it leaves behind all this stuff, right? Stuff that fuels the universe, energy and matter and particles and atoms. And that stuff gives birth to new stars and planets, and…that’s beautiful, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” 

 

☆

They didn’t go back inside. Instead they started new cigarettes and stayed outside talking in the freezing cold. Harry revealed a bit more about his past relationship and Louis got heated over the topic, going off on one of his rants. 

“Look, this girl or guy that left you, they’re miles and miles from here, they’re _gone_. You can’t keep missing them. You can’t keep leaving that door open incase they decide to come back. You know what happens when you leave the door open? You let the cold in.” 

He plopped back against the brick wall, arms folded over his chest looking satisfied with himself. “Here, I wanna show you something,” he said, reaching into his back pocket. “You know what this is?” He held up an ace of hearts. It was frayed all around the edges like it had been places, and instead of the usual heart-shape in the center, there was a picture of a human heart. 

“A card?” said Harry.

“Eeerr! Wrong,” Louis said making an obnoxious buzzer sound. “It’s my heart. I keep this card with me wherever I go. And one day, when I meet someone I feel is worthy of my heart, I’ll give ‘em this card.” 

“That’s…weird.” 

“Is it? I think it’s way more effective than saying I love you or some bullshit like that. I mean this is _my heart_ ,” he said dramatically. “You literally give someone your heart. Well, I guess not literally…I hate how literally doesn’t mean literally anymore, don’t you? Anyways, here.” He held out the card. 

Harry frowned, “You’re…giving me your heart?” 

Louis tilted his head back against the brick wall and let out a breathy laugh. “No, man. I’m giving it you, so you can use it. It’s your heart now.” 

“So you’re just giving away your heart…Kinda makes it’s seem unimportant.”   

“Hey don’t go getting all wise on me,” he said waving a finger. “I’ll get another card. It’s the gesture of giving the heart that’s important. Not the card. I’ve washed about six of these in the laundry since I started this whole card thing.” 

“I dunno…you make a big deal about the card and now you’re telling me it’s replaceable––“

“Just take the damn card you little shit!” Louis laughed, shoving the ace of hearts into Harry’s palm. “Keep it safe. Give it to someone that matters. Whoever the last person in your life was, totally _does not_ deserve that card okay, man?” 

Harry rolled his eyes and grinned, stuffing it into his pocket. “Okay.” 

“And stop being all selfless! Don’t give yourself away like that, it’s going to kill you. Be picky with who you let into your life!” 

“Says the guy who befriends random strangers,” Harry scoffed. 

“Hey now, aren’t you glad I invited you to hang out? Admit it you’ve had a much better night than you would have had. Bless weirdos who befriend strangers.” 

Harry chuckled. “Yeah okay. So why did you call me over to join you and your friends anyway?” 

“You looked like you wanted to be alone,” Louis said with a shrug.  

“So that’s why you decided to call me over? Because I looked like I wanted to be _alone_?” 

“Well no one ever actually _wants_ to be alone when they look like it,” said Louis in an all knowing way. Louis took a drag from his cigarette, blowing out smoke as he continued.“You just make yourself _think_ you want to be alone. But you don’t. I mean if you wanted to be alone you’d be at home, right?”  

“I thought you said it was okay to be alone sometimes.” 

“It is. Totally okay. But I could tell you weren’t just here for some quality alone time. You looked like you hadn’t seen a soul in ages. So yeah, being alone is okay but sometimes you just need some company too, someone to talk to or laugh with. And sometimes that person can be a complete stranger. Sometimes it’s easier when they’re strangers.” 

Harry thought about that. He thought about everything Louis had said tonight and he hated the way everything that came out of his mouth sounded so true, even when he was pretty sure a lot of it was random bullshit. It all still sounded right. He had a way of making his words seem so believable, like you wanted to believe that love was as easy as giving someone a card or that talking to strangers when you’re feeling lonely is the ultimate cure to your loneliness. He could say things like ‘it’s okay to be alone sometimes’ and then follow it up with ‘we all need someone to talk to and laugh with’ and not sound like a complete hypocrite. He seemed unreal in the way characters from a book or a movie seem too good to be true. Maybe that was all on Harry though. Maybe he was doing it again, taking an average person and equating them to the Sun. And maybe he did it because  Louis felt orange and bright and _alive_ , everything a dead planet like Harry had been living so long without. 

Again, Harry found himself wondering about everything that goes into meeting a person and the way one person can just swoop in and change everything. Harry had been blue but now he was feeling orange. And it was all because of some stranger who was too hyper and too bright. 

“Alright, I think the show’s just about over,” Louis said, putting out his cigarette and jumping to his feet. He cracked his back and then turned to stare down at Harry, his lips quirked up in a mischievous grin that could mean nothing good. “Let’s get out of here. It’s 3AM. The night is still young.” 

Harry felt like he was going to supernova, but not like before, not collapsing in on himself, not from running out of fuel. He felt like the other kind of supernova, the one where the star accumulates energy from his neighbor. That’s how it felt being around Louis, like all of his energy was pouring out of him and being sucked up into the empty spaces inside of Harry. He felt like he was going to explode right there in the parking lot with all the other stars watching. He didn’t really mind though, not this time. A supernova felt fitting right now, an ending and new beginnings all in a blaze of lights. 

“Well, what d’you say?” Louis asked, holding out a hand. He looked too much like Peter Pan, offering Harry adventures that seemed unbelievable.“You flying with me or you staying?” 

Harry glanced up at the sky, the constellations still shining up above. It might be nice to see them up close. 

“Flying.” 

 

 


End file.
